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I was around 25 years old when I had this dream that really changed my life. I grew up in a family where there was a lot of addictions. For those who know what I’m talking about you know that this sometimes leads to resentment and anger.
Throughout my adolescence and early adulthood, I worked very hard on myself. I was learning how to detach with love and respect myself enough to stop carrying the chaos of others on my shoulders. Through that process I came to learn the importance of setting boundaries and listening to my Inner Voice.
I was 25 years old and desperate to separate myself and become my own independent person. I was married, I had a 18 month old son and I was trying to be the perfect mom, wife, sister, daughter,friend, employee … This was bewcoming increasingly difficult to maintain and live up to.
My father was an active alcoholic and my two brothers were also active alcoholics and drug addicts. My mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis when I was around 16 years old. She had a very progressive form of a MS. To put in perspective I got married in 1998 that was the first day my mother was officially acquainted to the wheelchair. By the time my son was born in 2001 my mother could no longer hold things in your hands, she coul not talk, or eat independently.
As my mother progressed, my father also progressed with his disease of alcoholism. As the daughter who took on the role of caretaker/pleaser, I found it very difficult to except my mothers choices and my father’s choices. Watching them progress in both their diseases made me want to make sure that I did not follow those paths.
At 20 years old, I knew that I needed to stand up to them and I needed to address my resentments that I had accumulated over my adolescence and early adult hood. I had my own family now an 18-month-old boy and my own husband. I was learning to be an independent person and no longer a codependent.
Many of my resentments stemmed from how I felt my brothers were treated differently and brought up with different expectations than I did. I was always expected to be the good girl, the one who was reliable and dependable. I resented that. I felt robbed of my parents attention because they were so consumed with worry and anger and sadness that my brothers brought upon them.
I share this little backstory because it plays a big role in better understanding the story I’m about to tell you.
I had a dream. It wasn’t just a dream because I believe it really happened. As confusing as this might sound it felt as real as if you were standing in front of me talking to me. It was like if I was watching a movie and somebody pushed pause and life stopped but the movie continued.
I used to live in a house with a very large circular staircase. The upstairs had a circular hallway that was open to the downstairs. Along the open hallway there were four bedrooms. Mine was at the top of the staircase with two French doors open to my bedroom.
I was laying in bed sleeping. I was aware that I was sleeping. My husband was in his office in one of the adjacent bedrooms. He was working on his computer. My 18-month-old’s bedroom was on the right-hand side of my bedroom along the same hallway. He was sound asleep in his room his door was half open.
In my dream there was an old Cadillac that drove into my house. It wasn’t like a crash or anything like that it was like it appeared in the opening the bottom of my staircase. The car floated up to the top landing of the stairs. I remember opening my eyes and seeing the car in the hallway with three jolly looking men inside the car. They kind of look like circus freaks. One was super tall with very pink cheeks and he had a strange funny looking face. Another was a heavyset jolly looking man that was driving. And the third one I don’t quite remember what he look like I just know he was there.
I remember in my dream, The tall skinny funny looking guy got out of the car and walked towards my sons room. I felt horrible panic and worry and instinctually tried to get out of my bed to go and get my son. I couldn’t move I felt paralyzed in shock and fear. The feeling was overwhelming. Although I knew I was dreaming the feelings were so real and intense. I remember thinking “OMG. we are being robbed” I tried to scream but nothing came out of my mouth. I tried to get up and run to get my baby but my body was paralyzed and I could not move.
The second man, the one I don’t remember what he looks like, got out of the car and walked towards the room where my husband was working.
The Jolly little fat man walk towards me in my room. I remember saying “what do you want? Where is my son? Who are you?”. I remember how panicked I was .
This short jolly man only smiled and approached closer to the side of my bed, as he got closer to me my fear and worry and panic quickly dissipated. Those feelings were replaced by warmth love reassurance and calm. I knew at that point that the Jolly old man was a non-threat. His physical appearance started to transform and he became my grandmother.
I knew that the other men were here to look over my husband and my son while I received the message they came to deliver. they were my guardian angels…. They were here to protect and offer comfort.
I knew once I saw my grandmother that she was visiting me because she had a message to give me. I felt so excited to see her. I began to cry and the desire to get up and hug her was so powerful. I sat up on the bed and asked her: ” I know you are here to give me a message. What is it you want to tell me.” My grandmother smile and handed me a note book. It looked like an old journal. I took the book and began to flip through the pages but could not make out any of the writing. Everything was too blurry due to the tears in my eyes. I told my Nana, ” I’m crying to much and I can not read what is written. Can you please just tell me.”
She sat on the bed next to my feet and looked me straight in the eyes. She was smiling, and she projected a feeling of calm. She said to me :” Marguerite, the next five years are going to be very difficult for you. I came to prepare you. Your father in law, mother and father will pass away over this period of time. It’s going to be a difficult next few years.”
I remember feeling so grateful and lucky to see my Nana and to have been given this message. I took my grandmother in my arms and we hugged for a long time. I kept repeating to her : “Nana, I am so happy to see you. I don’t want you to go.” She stood up, and reached her hand out for me to take. Together we stood up and we began to dance. My grandmother loved life and was always singing and dancing. She held me tight in her arms and together we began to float in the air twirly slowly in a dancing manner. It was absolutely beautiful. I will never forget the feeling I had while we were floating in each others arms. I was very emotional and had very mixed feeling going on at the same time. I was sad, happy, excited, love, angry, hurt, grateful… all these feeling were felt at the same time.
We dance for several minutes and floated around the entrance of my room. I remember feeling that I did not want to let her go. I knew that I would have to.
She brought me to my bed and set me down. She told me she loved me and kissed my forehead. She was smiling. I could feel the powerful love that she was projecting. It was an amazing feeling.
As she was leaving I could see the other men getting into the car. They were laughing and giggling. They all got into the car and gradually the car vanished into thin air. The room became dark again and slowly I began to realize that I was actually awakee watching all this. I suddenly felt alone.
I remember opening my eyes and become reacquainted with my bedroom. I could not move my body. I was crying hysterically. I could not talk or call out my husbands name. I was feeling so many feeling at once that I could not move. I was feeling Anger, sadness, fear, excitement, resentment, lonely, love, … All these emotions were overwhelming me at once. I was shaking and crying. I could barely catch my breath between each sob and cry.
I was paralyzed, speechless and unable to move for what felt like several minutes. I eventually was able to sit up and wake my husband up. He was lying next to me sleeping. I don’t know when he came to bed. I remember gasping for air and calling out his name. He opened his eyes and saw how distressed I was. I started sobbing out loud and wanted so desperately to tell him what had just happened. At some point I was able to sit up and catch my breath. The crying settled and I began telling him about my dream.
I could not fall back asleep that night. I was very worried about my parents. It must have been around 2 Am when I woke up. I decided to call my parents just to make sure that they were OK. I told my mom that I loved her and that I had had a dream that really shakened me up. My mother reassured me that everyone was OK.
I decided that my dream was a message of love and I needed to address all of the unresolved issues that I had with some of my family members. I sat down that night and many nights following this dream and began to write out all the issues, resentments that I had with my family. I had decided that I was going to address these things. I was going to let it all out. I did not want my parents to die and me being left with all these unresolved issues and negative feelings.
It took me a little over a month to write out what I was truly feeling. To be able to identify my true issues and feelings. I wanted to make sure that what I was expressing in my letter was my real truths. I wanted to share these feelings and understandings with my parents. I wanted desperately to learn how to let them go.
When I was ready I asked for a family meeting with my parents. I wanted to present them with my letter. I wanted to liberate myself from the anger that I was carrying. I knew that my parents were not going to agree with some of my points. I also knew that it did not matter whether or not they agreed. What was important to me was that I express and voice my concerns, hurts, and anger. I wanted to be liberated by them. This was the beginning of my ability to detach and let go. I learned acceptance of other peoples choices and struggles. I no longer felt responsible for there choices. This process allowed me the opportunity to start growing and spreading my own wings. Addressing my issues with the people who I felt needed to hear me out was the most liberating experience I have ever felt. In some ways it actually brought me closer to my parents.
The message in my dream was Real and all of it happened in the time that my grandmother had predicted. My father in law past away suddenly of a heart attack about a year or so after my dream. My mothers MS progressed quickly and she took a turn suddenly about one year after my father in law’s passing. Once my mother passed away my father went through a sever depression and became suicidal. He dabbled with life and death for about 9 years following my mothers passing. Although he did not die in the time frame that my grandmother predicted he did die on the inside.
I am so grateful for that visit in my dreams that night. My guardian Angel offered me the opportunity to find closure with my parents while they were alive. My grieving began while they were still living. I was ready for their passing and Today I carry no resentment, no regrets. I was able to love them for who they were and accept their personal struggles. I came to accept that my parents were not perfect and they did the best they could with what they had.
My father passed away In September of 2017.
I have had many visits since that dream. I have had many spiritual awaknings and recieved many moment of comfort from my higher power. I look forward to sharing these stories with you.
Welcome to my page.
This is the first time that I am trying out the blogging community. I’m not even sure if I am doing this correctly. Regardless I have decided to try it out and share with those who are interested some of my experiences with divine guidance and presence.
I’m sure some of you are none believers and are reading this out of curiosity or to see what it is I am going to share. Whatever your reasons I wish that you leave my page feeling inspired and with a little bit of hope.
Where to begin….
I guess I should start from the beginning or the beginning that I can remember.
I have always believed that I was looked after by Guardian Angels. I did not grow up in a religious home. My mother was protestant and my father was catholic. I guess you can say that we were traditionalists. We celebrated all the main holidays such as Easter and Christmas. When I was younger I did go to Sunday school at one point but this was simply because one of my close friends invited me to go. it was more of a play-date than an interest in the bible.
My parents were very much spiritual believers. They were both active participants in twelve step programs and practiced the idea of letting go and letting there higher power guide and protect them. Maybe in later posts I will share in more depth my family dynamics but not today.
Let me take you back to when I was in my late teens and early 20’s. I was on a school trip in Tadoussac. What a great weekend that was… I was in Tadoussac with a group of classmates from college. We had had an amazing day playing in the sand dunes, hiking and other fun activities. It was the end of the day and we were all pooped and tired. We were sitting in the large living room area of the cottage. Their was a large fire place, with several couches surrounding the front view of the fireplace. some of us were reading, others were sharing stories while watching the fire crackle.
I was sitting on the armrest of one of the couches. I was leaning against the back rest behind my friend who was sitting properly on the chair. I was listening to the conversation not really paying attention. I was more mesmerized by the fire. Everyone was so relaxed and calm.
From where I was sitting I could see in two rooms. I could see everyone in the living room and on my left hand side I can see down the long hallway to the kitchen. Most of the lights in the house were closed and it was dark in the hallway.
Out of nowhere I suddenly heard my names whispered loudly in my ear. “Marguerite!” it was as if somone was leaning from behind me whispering my name into my ear. The whisper was quite loud and I could feel the breath from someones mouth propulse against my ear when my name was heard. I got startled and quickly turned around to see who it was. There was nobody there. i glanced down the hallway to see if someone was trying to hide from me. But there was no body. Everyone in the room was still and going on with there business.
I had goose bumps all over my body. At first I was a little spooked but that feeling quickly passed. I suddenly felt calm and comforted. It was a really strange feeling. I did not think too much about it for the rest of that night. I brushed it off as me just being tired and imagining things.
The next day I returned home in Montreal. When i walked into my house I was quickly greeted by my parents and aunts. they all had sadness on there faces. My mother explained to me that My uncle had passed away suddenly last night. he was visiting my grandmother at her apartment and took a heart attack in her elevator. he died almost instantly.
i really feel that the whisper in my ear was my uncles way of letting me know that everything was going to be OK. Although i was very sad about my Uncle passing away I got comfort from his visit. it made me feel reassured that their is possibly something waiting for us in the other real of life.
This was my first real experience that began my journey of believing. I had another experience similar to this one about two years later. My husband was out and I had the house to myself. It was a beautiful night and the sky was super clear.
One of the things I enjoy doing is lying in my backyard looking up to the stars. i used to say to myself, if I see a shooting start then I know my angels are with me. unfortunately this did not happen often that I would be lucky enough to see one. that summer night i was lying with my feet dangling from the side of the pool. My body was resting on the concrete deck. i was listening and looking up at the sky. I remember just trying to be in the moment. I wanted to shut off my brain and think of nothing. i had been going through a lot of stressful things in my personal life. I was worried about losing our home, frustrated about my husband predicament with the government. I was worried about my parents who were very sick and my brothers who were active drug and alcohol users. I was pregnant and expecting… a lot was going on….
As I lay on the edge of my pool, meditating to the start, I was startle by hearing my name once again whispered into my ears. It was the same whisper and experience that I had a few years before. I got goose bumps all over my body. i quickly sat up to see if someone was there as it felt like someone was behind me. When I turned to look around me there was nobody there. Just retelling you now the experience brings back the sensation of someones breath on my neck and ear.
I had decided that I was going to interpret this visit or experience as a sign of comfort and reassurance that everything was going to be OK. I at that time believed it but had a hard time seeing it. These whispers I wanted to believe…. and I took comfort from it.
A week or so after this experience, I received a call from the hospital that my grandmother had passed away in her sleep. Although i was heart broken and sad I knew in my heart that she was OK. That my angels offered me comfort and warning of something coming my way.
The goal of my journal-ling is to document these many experiences that I have encountered since these first visits. I want to share them and remember them. Sometimes life just gets in the way and we stop noticing these comforting messages. My goal is to take the time to notice and this is my way of doing that.
Growing up My mother used to share stories about her visits and experiences. She use to say that it did not scare her but comfort her. Today I believe and understand what she was telling me.
i look forward to introducing you to my family, my dream messages. animal visits, visions and overall a part of me and my beliefs. I have grown a lot since that first whisper in my ear.